She uses her voice to write her own narrative.

even if it feels like nobody is listening, keep using your voice

She wept for the moth 
whose death could be attributed
to the curiosity of the other children.

“I told them stop with my mean voice.
But they didn’t stop!
She was just a baby!”

Her heart hurt for the life 
her classmates had taken.

“I told them to stop, Mommy!”

She shook her head, 
took a deep breath in,
and let it out into her mother’s chest.

“You did the right thing, baby.
You said something.
You were brave and used your words.
You did the right thing.

Sometimes, even when we use our mean voice,
we can’t stop the bad thing from happening. 
But we can try. And you did. 
You spoke up. You used your words.”

She mourned for the moth’s life
and for her feelings of failure to save it. 

“You did the right thing, baby.
Keep using your words.” 

Write

Describe something you believe is worth saying aloud and on repeat. Why is this message important to you? Where did this strong belief come from? What might have to happen in order for others to hear your message?

Tell me what you think you should say out loud —> HERE.

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Note

The Lesson

When I asked my daughter for permission to use this poem I wrote about her, she immediately said yes. I told her that she didn’t even know what it’s about. She paused to think and then said, maybe.

After I read it aloud, she didn’t remember the moth, but I definitely do. I was so proud of her for using her “mean voice” to stand up for something she felt strongly about. Even though she was incredibly stressed and in the minority, she was able to think clearly enough through her strong emotions to put together words and and intentionally say them out loud with gumption to communicate.

Human emotions are complicated, especially for children. They are experiencing all of them for the first time. They struggle to even name them yet and don’t always understand why they are feeling them. Working through emotions and managing them in healthy ways takes being taught, practiced, and reinforced. Whether we are intending to teach children or not, when they are watching us big people - we are teaching. Always.

Somewhere I read that “every interaction we have with another person is an opportunity to bring them up or tear them down.” It’s so absolutely true. There really isn’t any neutral. It’s either a positive or a negative experience.

An example can be seen in a simple good morning to someone. If they say good morning back in a genuine way that exudes happiness, the recipient’s experience is not stressful. It’s calming and positive. The receiver is assured the other is okay and they feel safe in the relationship with the other person.

If you say good morning to someone and they respond in a sarcastic tone and eye roll, “Yeah, it’s already been a morning. Can’t wait to see what the afternoon brings.” The recipient is put on alert and stress kicks in: Is the other person okay? How do I respond to this? Should I offer to help? Will they still think I’m a good friend if I don’t ask them to stop so we can problem solve?

One of my worries as a mom of girls is that I’ve taught them to be too polite. I want them to follow the rules and be good listeners, yes, but I also want them to feel confident to speak up and advocate for themselves. I was so relieved to hear that my daughter had spoken up for the moth even though it might have been the unpopular opinion in the group of kids.

Although this experience wasn’t memorable for her, it was an experience that was positively reinforced with reassurance and love to hopefully instill in her confidence for later when she’s called upon again to use her voice.

Experiences build internal narratives

When I was in elementary school, my class had their recess taken away for talking (or something like that), but it wasn’t everybody and I felt very wronged. Why were those of us who were following the rules getting punished? I remember walking into the principal’s office and asking if I could speak to him.

My principal was a very tall man (maybe 6’4) and a little intimidating and I remember him leaning on the counter listening to my point of view on the matter of recess. I didn’t yell or get overly emotional (at least I don’t remember it that way). I simply stated my case. I can’t recall exactly what I said or even the outcome, but I do remember how he listened to me and responded genuinely. We had a conversation. It was my first memorable experience using my voice to advocate for myself and others.

I’m sure my parents instilled this value in me in small moments and in similar ways I teach my own kids - I just can’t remember - but it was this positive experience I had with my principal using my voice to make change that has stayed with me.

The experience helped write the internal narrative I tell myself: it’s possible to be thoughtfully heard by “big people” when I speak.

Goal for the week

May can be a challenging month in education. The kids are all over the place emotionally - lots of big feelings from excitement to anxiety with school being almost out. I would say the same for the adults. Everyone is pretty worn out and ready for a break.

My goal for the week is to be more generous and mindful in my interactions. I have hundreds of interactions in a given day and it’s difficult to keep the stamina, especially in the last month of school. BUT I’m going to make a concerted effort to make every interaction an opportunity to “build up” the other person.